Remembering Her Name: Ka'Sandra Wade

Pittsburgh's first homicide of the year was a domestic violence incident that took the life of Ka'Sandra Wade. Today, I'm participating in an effort organized by my friend Sue, who writes the blog Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents and who is an active member of the local social media community, including The Pittsburgh Women's Blogging Society.

Among the goals of today's Pittsburgh Cyber Vigil is to remember Ka'Sandra Wade's name. All too often in such incidents, it is the name of the alleged perpetrator that stays with us and perhaps the circumstances of the crime itself. Today, we're bringing attention to who Ka'Sandra was - a woman trying to escape an abusive relationship, an ambitious worker with aspirations of a better life, and a mother of an 11 year old son named Zaire.

I didn't know Ka'Sandra. I admit that I also didn't know many of the details of this case until I first learned of Sue's efforts with the Pittsburgh Cyber Vigil. (Maria from 2 Political Junkies has a great synopsis on her post, "Remembering Ka'Sandra Wade.) But what I do know from my five years of working in the domestic violence field is that Ka'Sandra knew she was in a bad relationship and was trying to leave - always the most dangerous time for those in domestic violence situations. Ka'Sandra had also reached out to and had the support of coworkers at her job. Finally, she called 911 on New Year's Eve when she was in trouble.

Ka'Sandra did everything that people who work in the domestic violence field tell people to do.

And yet.

And yet, now there is an investigation into the police response to that 911 call. From the reports, this appears to be rather botched (to say the least) - with investigators showing up and taking the word of a male individual that everything was fine and never speaking to the person who made the call. As Sue writes, "[t]he situation is complicated and tragic and has generated an outcry from the community to push for better investigation of domestic violence allegations, stronger laws to protect women and more awareness on the part of the community."

We start today, by remembering Ka'Sandra Wade's name and by pledging to remember the names of all those lost.

Other posts from bloggers participating in today's Cyber Vigil:

Losing Sight of the Shore –  BECAUSE Ka’Sandra Wade can not.

2 Political Junkies (Maria) – Remembering Ka’Sandra Wade

2 Political Junkies (Maria) – One More Thing

Queen in Heels – Remember Her Name: Ka’Sandra Wade

the betty and boo chronicles (full disclosure: this is my other blog) – Remember Her Name: Ka’Sandra Wade

Podcasts

Truality Radio – Host Ezra is an old friend of Ka’Sandra and saw her one week before her death. He describes that last encounter.

My name is Leslie Smith.  I’m known by most as Ezra.  I’m a spoken word artist and actor from Pittsburgh, Pa.  I’m so saddened by the lost of Ka’Sandra.  I called her “Pink”.  I met her in 2000 while attending the Pittsburgh Job Corps Center with her.  We both were in the college program.  We dated briefly, but remained friends.  I ran into her every once in a while and we would just say hello to one another and keep it going.  I saw her about a week and a half before her murder in East Liberty standing in front of a building.  We said our usual hellos and I kept walking.  But, then, something told me to stop, turn around, and chat with her for a little bit.  So, I turned around and asked her how she’s been.  I knew that Pink had gone through some rough times in her life from past discussions and I was hoping she was in a good place now.  She said she was about to start working full time at ACTION United and was about to start attending Devry University to receive her bachelor’s degree. Ka’Sandra sounded so proud of her accomplishments. There was a gentleman standing outside with her and I wasn’t sure if he was her boyfriend.  I asked if he was and he said no and they both laughed.  I told them I was just making sure I wasn’t disrespecting anybody.  I said, “Well, good for you.  Keep it up.”  She said thanks and I went on my way.  I left thinking to myself, “Well, there’s a job corps success story”, smiling to myself.  I was so happy for her.  She had overcame and accomplished a lot.  I still can’t believe she’s gone.

Twitter

Please follow #RememberHerName

Other Mentions

Melissa McEwen at Shakesville included the vigil in her weekly lists of must-read posts.

Additional resources:

• Pittsburgh Post-Gazette story on the life of Ka’Sandra Wade
• Information on domestic violence and resources from the Women Center & Shelter of Pittsburgh and The Center for Victims

Why Andy Reid is the Right Coach, Right Now for the Kansas City Chiefs

Then-Philadelphia Eagles head coach Andy Reid
at a fundraising event I helped to organize
photo taken by me, April 2009

An Open Letter to the Fans of the Kansas City Chiefs:

Getting a new boss, as you just did with the hiring of Andy Reid as your head coach, is tough. 

There's a lot to get used to when the new person arrives in town. They have a different playbook, a unique style - sometimes their own people in mind for what was your job. 

I've been in your shoes. Believe me, I know that the very last thing you probably want to hear are accolades about the new guy. 

Granted, from a football perspective, Andy has a few faults. We've seen a few of them in Philadelphia. That tends to happen when a guy sticks around for 14 years. He's not perfect. 

But there's something about him that makes Andy the perfect leader for the Chiefs right now.

You see, you've had some tragedy recently. 

I speak, of course, about the domestic violence incident in December during which linebacker Jovan Belcher shot and killed his girlfriend Kasandra Perkins, then subsequently killed himself. This murder-suicide brought the NFL to a standstill ...but only for the requisite moment of silence. 

The NFL already outfits itself in every conceivable shade of pink each October for breast cancer, which is certainly commendable. However, I submit that most of us are already well aware of breast cancer and the NFL’s recognition of this month is sometimes akin to elaborate end zone gyrations.

Although nothing will ever change the loss of life, the hiring of Andy Reid as your head coach gives every one of you connected with the Kansas City Chiefs - the owners, the players, the grounds crew – an opportunity to be leaders the NFL truly needs on the issue of domestic violence. 

Why Andy Reid? 

I was fortunate to get to know Andy and his wife Tammy when I worked as a fundraising director for a domestic violence agency in suburban Philadelphia. They became tireless, dedicated, loyal supporters of our organization; the more the Reids learned what we did and about the impact and prevalence of domestic abuse, the more they became involved. 

During their 14 years in Philadelphia, Andy and his family worked so closely with our staff that I initially thought Tammy was on the payroll when I was first hired.

I know one of the criticisms of Andy during his Philly years was that he was disconnected from the fans. That always perplexed me because from where I stood, on the sidelines, I saw things differently.

I saw a Coach who readily hugged a woman whose husband once chained her to the bathroom sink for days, only to escape to safety in the morning rush of getting her kids to school. 

I saw a Coach who signed an autograph for a scared, star-struck child who had moved into a shelter a week before.

I saw a Coach who was routinely maligned by the ruthless Philly media, but who had no trouble grabbing a microphone when bidding was low during a silent auction and reminding the well-heeled crowd why we were at the Gala in the first place. 

I wish more Philadelphians had a chance to see this caring side of Andy.

Kansas City, I’m grateful that you now do. 

In Philadelphia, Andy always concluded his opening statement to the press on Mondays by inviting questions from the assembled media with a two-word phrase:

Time's yours. 

So, Chiefs, now the time’s yours to pick up the ball on the domestic violence issue. 

Run with it.

And be the real leaders on domestic violence that the NFL needs. 

In the Face of Inaction, Kristin's Call for Change

I have to wonder how many members of the House of Representatives ever downloaded a text message like this from their 21 year old daughter's phone, after she had been murdered (stabbed more than 50 times in her own kitchen) by her boyfriend.

I'm guessing not many.

If they had - in an odd, bizarre, twist of fate way - then Tuesday night might not have happened. Or, maybe it may have happened a bit differently.

That's when the House of Representatives, in the midst of the fiscal cliff craziness and blocking

federal aid to devastated Hurricane Sandy victims, made yet another unbelievable head-shaking move. (One that leads us a bit closer to living in A Handmaid's Tale land, but that's another post.)

By allowing the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) to die without a vote on Tuesday night, the House of Representatives basically told victims of domestic violence and their families that they don't matter.

I've written about Kristin Mitchell's story before - here, and here, and here. And I will continue to write about Kristin, because this story is so deeply personal to me for reasons only a handful of people know.

The reality is that domestic violence still carries a stigma and real people are still living in fear. Despite the statistics, we don't want to believe that people we know are being abused.

Your coworker in the next cubicle with a never-ending supply of Hershey Kisses.

Your best friend since kindergarten.

Your younger sister, who cheerfully wore the hideous maid of honor dress in your wedding.

Your neighbor up the street with the gorgeous lawn.

Your kids' bus driver who always waves as she drives away.

Your college roommate.

And when it comes to domestic violence on college campuses? In teen dating relationships?

We want to believe that everything is as picture perfect as it appears on prom night, that we're all slow-dancing happily ever after, and that domestic violence - and teen dating violence, in particular, doesn't exist.

It's not. Young women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rate of violence at the hands of someone they know.

Think about that for a second.

Now, think about your representatives who decided on New Year's Day that this wasn't important enough to do anything about.

That THE VERY LIFE of your coworker, your best friend, your sibling, your cousin, your neighbor, your babysitter, your child was not important enough to vote on.

So where do we go from here?

Since their daughter Kristin's death in 2005, the Mitchells have been a family that have transformed their profound tragedy into incredible change. 

The Mitchells are doing something about dating violence. They're helping to lead the way when those in charge fail to do so.

Through the Kristin Mitchell Foundation, grant funding is available for projects that help to raise awareness among young adults and teens about Dating Violence Prevention.  Preference is given to projects designed to raise awareness among college-aged young adults.  However, proposals will also be considered for projects designed to reach high school students.

Funding requests for each project can be up to $3,000. Projects with a total budget of more than this range must show, in the application, where additional funding will be drawn from.

The projects should focus on one or more groups of young adults within the Greater Philadelphia area (Philadelphia and/or Montgomery, Delaware, Chester, Bucks counties), and/or the following areas in Maryland: Baltimore City, Baltimore County, Howard County, and Charles County. Consideration will also be given for projects in other counties in PA and MD, provided that funding from the Kristin Mitchell Foundation is available.

Proposals submitted for consideration in March must be received by February 15th. Proposals submitted for consideration in September must be received by August 15th.

Click here for more information, including the official KMF Grant Funding Application and additional details. 

As shown by the House of Representatives actions this week, our elected officials don't seem to want to be the leaders for the change we need. Now more than ever, it's up to us to be that change at the grassroots level, by initiating the projects that can help make a difference. 

CreativeMornings Arrives in Pittsburgh!

For a few hours on Friday morning (before we would learn the horrible news, before our hearts would be broken), several dozen of Pittsburgh's most creative people gathered at The Andy Warhol Museum for a party.

The occasion was, appropriately enough, the first ever CreativeMornings Pittsburgh.

According to their website, CreativeMornings is a global breakfast lecture series for creative types. Each monthly event is FREE and includes a 20 minute talk plus coffee. (The java is always important.)

And by global, these events are truly global - happening in every possible corner of the world. Which makes it kind of perplexing that Pittsburgh didn't have a CreativeMornings before Friday ... but that's part of what I've fallen in love with about this city.

You see, in the year and a half I've been here, I've learned that Pittsburgh is the kind of place where if you have an idea for something, there's usually someone (or several someones) saying, "that sounds awesome!" or "let's try that together!" or "how can I help?" or all of the above.

Seriously. Pittsburgh is honest to God the most creative place I've ever seen. We're chock-a-block with brilliant entrepreneurs and innovators and such artsy techy literary funky type people usually have multiple fantastical things happening at once.

That's what happened when Kate Stoltzfus (Plumb Media, Yinzpiration, Propelle - see what I mean?) was inspired to bring CreativeMornings to Pittsburgh.

The result? A fun, mentally invigorating and inspiring morning, thanks to Spark (the sponsor) and a presentation by Nina Barbuto of assemble.

After coffee and networking in the spacious lobby of The Warhol, the group gathered in the lecture hall where Nina told us about her background and the launch of assemble. She then challenged us to think differently about learning. Every day at assemble, Nina's team is "making learning a party" for kids by providing them opportunities to make connections through art and technology projects. She and other collaborators host "Maker Parties" where kids "can engage their intrigue while making physical and nonphysical learning connections."

Learning doesn't end when we leave school; in fact, it's the opposite. We can learn everywhere, in every possible setting, in every possible way. As creative types, Nina emphasized that we can do that too, in all aspects of our work. The question then becomes this:

Thanks, Kate, and the CreativeMornings Pittsburgh team for not being afraid to try this new idea out here in our city. I'm already excited about the next CreativeMornings Pittsburgh (Kate announced that it will be on January 11) and seeing what will happen.

Use Giving Tuesday to Do More Than Give

It's a reality of our over-consumptive society that, while a noble idea, Giving Tuesday is never going to inspire the frenzy that fuels Black Friday and Cyber Monday. We're never going to see people camping out in tents for a week just for the privilege of giving to their favorite charity.

(If only, right?)

We're not always very public about our charitable pursuits, are we? We find out almost by accident that our colleague is on a local board. We rarely talk about the nonprofits we support and certainly not what we give to them.

It doesn't have to be that way. #GivingTuesday is an excellent start.

This whole thing of #GivingTuesday got me thinking. What would happen if we didn't need the holiday season to be prompted to give? What if there was a #GivingTuesday every week? 

Most donors (regardless if it is a large corporation or an average Joe and Jane) approach their charitable giving somewhat like this:  there's usually a personal connection with the cause, perhaps a friend or a family member asking for a donation (for a walk/bike/5K a thon, for a golf outing, for a Gala) or perhaps it is a charity that has helped you or someone you love (your alma mater, the hospice that cared for Grandma, the no-kill animal shelter where you adopted Spot).  Aside from the connection to you, the donor, generally the causes don't have much of a connection to one another.  Most of the time, you write a check or make an online donation, you get an acknowledgement of some sort (hopefully!), and you don't hear back from the organization on what your gift accomplished - until it's time for the next solicitation.

For corporations and foundations, the process is slightly different - although not really by much.  In such cases, grantees are often required to complete standard, one-size-fits-all, boring as hell reports showing how the grant "made a difference" or "had an impact."  More on that in a bit.

Those of us who are fundraisers or otherwise connected to the philanthropic world have probably heard of Forces for Good: The Six Practices of High Impact Nonprofits by Leslie Crutchfield.  It received a decent amount of buzz in our sector when it was published in 2007. Crutchfield's 2011 book Do More Than Give: The 6 Practices of Donors Who Change the World isn't a sequel, per se, it is "inspired" by its predecessor - meaning that, the same practices that turn nonprofits into high-impact organizations can also be used to transform individual, corporate, and foundation donors into high-impact (or catalytic) philanthropists.

Along with John Kania and Mark Kramer, Crutchfield et al suggests there's a different way (six of them, actually) for donors to make their gifts have more of a strategic impact.  It starts with the common-sense suggestion of focusing on one cause.  Maybe it's education or the environment.  Maybe it's a health care issue.  Maybe it's something that's affecting your community or a global crisis.  Whatever it is, don't spread your giving around; choose a problem or an issue that matters to you.  You can still give to various nonprofits focused on that particular cause, mind you, but having your efforts focused strategically on one issue will lead to the likelihood that more of an impact will be made.

As a fundraising professional, I initially bristled at such a suggestion - but quickly recovered when Crutchfield, etc. advised that foundations and corporations (and even individuals) set aside a portion of their annual giving dollars specifically for the types of requests - the personal asks, the Gala that benefits the community organization you've been supporting for years.  They're not advocating that these requests and equally worthy causes get tossed into the circular file (whew!), but that they just be aligned with others in your field of focus. 

Then, after you've committed to your cause, it's time to put the first practice in action: advocating for change.  People often confuse advocacy with lobbying, and Crutchfield gives a concise, clear explanation of the difference and what types of activities are permissible. Blending profit with purpose, forging nonprofit peer networks, empowering the people (particularly those who stand to benefit from the changes the nonprofit is working toward), leading adaptively, and learning in order to change round out the other 5 practices. 

Stories of corporations and foundations (big and small) that have done (and are doing) this kind of work successfully are plentiful in Do More Than Give.  Crutchfield takes her reader through the various steps that the organizations undertook in order to impact an issue in their community or halfway across the globe.  The term "catalytic philanthropy" (or "catalytic philanthropist") is used often and by the end of the book, you begin to see how different the world would be if there were more catalytic philanthropists in our midst. 

Fortunately, regardless of how much money you have to give, it's easier than you think to become one.

Starting today.

For Thanksgiving: N.J. beach house, memories of dad survive storm

This morning, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette published one of my essays as part of its Page 2 feature on ... well, page 2. It's a personal piece about our simple family vacations at the Jersey shore and a special memory of our last trip "downashore" (as we Philly folks say) with my dad, who passed away suddenly at the age of 44. When I wrote this, I was feeling incredibly grateful that Hurricane Sandy spared my aunt and uncle's beach home, and I couldn't help thinking if there was a connection. 

I'd be delighted if you took a few moments to read it here: Storytelling: N.J. beach house, memories of dad survive storm. 

Below is the picture of the Strathmere street (before high tide) that my brother sent me in his first text message. The house is a block or so up the road. 

Wishing all of you and your loved ones a wonderful Thanksgiving, with many blessings always.

Podcamp Pittsburgh is This Weekend! (I'm Going ...Are You?)

I'm starting to realize that living in Pittsburgh means making some choices - especially on the weekends.

Especially this weekend.

There are a ridiculous number of amazing-sounding things going on this Saturday and/or Sunday in Pittsburgh. Actually, that's true of many weekends here. Honest to God, I've never seen a city with so much to offer as this place does.

This Saturday and Sunday at Point Park University, you can take part in what sounds like a great conference: PodCamp Pittsburgh 7. (Registration is still open.)  What exactly is this?

Wonderful question (as a certain political candidate would say). Anticipating such, the @pcpgh peeps put together The Beginner's Guide to PodCamp Pittsburgh, from where I cut and pasted this from:

PodCamp is the most awesome thing in Pittsburgh.

But if you really want to get specific…

PodCamp Pittsburgh is a social, new media conference. It started in 2004 and was originally built around podcasting (hence the name PodCamp), and has since grown across North America. PodCamp Pittsburgh has also evolved into a study of information sharing online and how it affects us in different ways every day.

At PodCamp Pittsburgh, you’ll learn how to get started (or how to grow) sharing what you do with everyone else in the world through voice, video, pictures, text and other forms of media. You’ll find out what (and how to use) the latest tools others are using to accomplish great things.

In other words, don't be like me and see the word "pod" and think that this is a podcasting only type of thing.    Clearly, it's not.

Did I mention that PodCamp Pittsburgh is FREE? Yes ... free. It's supported by volunteers, of which I will gladly be one on Saturday while also attending several sessions. (You can see the full schedule of sessions, their descriptions, and speakers here.)

I'm incredibly excited about this. PodCamp Pittsburgh is the perfect opportunity to make connections among those in our city's traditional and new media scene and it is exactly what I need right now. Maybe it's exactly what you need, too.

Leave me a comment if you'll be there or follow me on Twitter @thefirmangroup. Would love to meet you and say hi!